A month or so ago, I really got into this dude on Youtube who prank called Indian scammers. He’d pretend to be an old lady, a valley girl, etc. and try to get his ‘refund’ from Microsoft. He would troll these losers for hours and, quite frankly, listening to people get angry brings me great joy in life.
I started playing these YouTube videos for my mom the second I got home from work. She would laugh and we would bond over how retarded these scammers were.
Fast forward to a week or so later, we find ourselves in the ‘MaNcAvE’ area of the house. Coming off of one of Kitboga’s (?) video highs, we giggled while asking my dad if Indian dudes claiming to be Microsoft have ever talked to him over the phone about computer viruses.
“Uh, yeah. That’s where all those computer guys are located nowadays.”
My mom and I looked at each other. Jesus Christ, he really fell for a scam. How could this happen right under our noses?
“Dad, did he tell you to buy an anti-virus software?”
“Yeah, I can show you their number right here. They fixed my computer!”
“Dad. That’s a scam. They didn’t ‘fix’ your computer.”
“Yes they did! Their phone number is right here!”
After one second of Googling, I found that it was, in fact, a scam phone number.
“Dad, how much did you pay for this?”
“It doesn’t matter. They fixed my computer.”
“How much.”
“$300 for 3 years worth of security.”
My dad was in denial for pretty much the whole time. The blame SLOWLY shifted from us (“You guys never help me with my computer so I did it myself! I don’t care! They fixed it!”) to the Punjabi Scammers (“So what do I do now? Call the cops?”).
I was just as stressed out as my dad. No parent will ever acknowledge how mentally taxing it is to have computer-illiterate parents. I had no idea how to deal with a Microsoft scam, 1) because I was not naive enough, and 2) because I was not retarded enough, to fall for one.
I Googled it and found a pretty good resource that told us to call your credit card company and refute the charge, blah blah blah.
Ultimately, I decided to procrastinate. Partially because I was scared of touching his greasy keyboard, but mostly because I didn’t want to be scarred for life by discovering the porn that made the Microsoft scam pop up in the first place.
Anyway, today he told us that he needed to go to Saskatoon so he could buy a new computer.
“Oh my god, what did you do now?”
“Those scammers called me back and now I need to drop my computer off at the repair shop and buy a new one.”
Anyway, the scammers told him that there were even MORE viruses on his computer and that he needed to pay more so they could take them off.
In typical dad-who-just-found-out-he-got-scammed fashion, he told them “WHO THE FUCK AM I, SANTA???? FUCK OFF!!!1111”
The moral of the story? It’s okay to procrastinate sometimes.
Contrived Fitness 