Author: K

https://youtu.be/dMYr9YgMVdg

It’s amazing how dense and unaware most celebrities are.

Does anyone in the world (above the age of 16) actually give a shit about celebrities anymore? I understand that we as humans have a sick and perverse need to idolize people (see: every kpop fan), but… isn’t it kinda overdone at this point?

The second you log onto Instagram, you can see into the lives of MILLIONS of people. Don’t you feel kind of jaded with all this personal information? You no longer need to open a magazine to see who’s fucking who. I mean, all you need to do is go on someone’s Instagram, scroll through their photos for 5 seconds, look for the photo that screams “I’M IN A RELATIONSHIP LOL LOOK AT ME AND MY BABE”, and then silently scroll away and forgetting about that person a millisecond later.

Also with social media: everyone is a celebrity. Why the fuck should I care about someone who played a likeable CHARACTER in a movie when I could check in with my local crackhead? “Haha! So silly! He’s STILL making crack in his trailer? This guy!!! When will he ever stop!?”

I’m over the vapid bullshit. The holier-than-thou virtue signalling.

This goes for ‘kinda’ celebrities too AKA politicians. It blows my mind that anyone in the world would have a ‘fave’ politician. You do realize they are incentivized to lie to you to keep you happy, right? THEY NEED YOUR VOTE. Do you honestly think they’re genuine? Bernie is a good example. He embraces the idea of socialism, yet is a millionaire with multiple homes? It is easy to say “oh. so sad. you poors… so very sad. you need someone to provide? i’ll be here for u okie? big daddy government will take care of u UWU.” and not actually give a shit personally. You’re okay with letting the government pay because that’s like, free money right? Let’s like, tax people to death LOL. Everything will be okay~~. And there’s no realization that the people at the top, the people who determine where the money goes, will OBVIOUSLY WANT THE MONEY TO BENEFIT THEM FIRST. Also, remember Elizabeth Warren’s Instagram live of her drinking a beer? Yeah, it made me enter borderline epileptic cringe convulsions too.

Anyway, I digress.

How cringe-worthy is that stupid Imagine video?

Was my life suppose to improve from simply gazing upon their faces and listening to their shitty singing? Why that song? What does that song have to do with Covid-19? How did the girl who played the random hot chick in Fast and Furious end up as Wonderwoman? And why did she text these people to sing for her? Are they actually friends? I don’t know who half of those people were, but I guess I’ll start recognizing them as “those random people from Gal Gadot’s shitty video”? How do you even pronounce Gal?

All I’m left with is… Questions.

During our viewing of John Wick 2, dad spotted Ruby Rose.

“Oh look at that little gay dude.”

He proceeded to refer to her as “that little gay dude” for the entirety of the movie.

I am sooooooo frustrated. And upset.

The term position I was offered and then accepted?

GONE. Because unions are stupid and coworkers are greedy.

The worst feeling is that I’m not motivated from it. You know when something bad happens or someone fucks you over so you #LiveYourBestLife because you are a #bossbitch!!!!1111 who can conquer the world? Yeah, don’t feel that. I feel so bored, frustrated, annoyed and negative. I know I should feel grateful that I can at least work as a casual BUT I thought I had all my plans set out in front of me. Then FOUR DAYS before my starting date, I had it all taken away from me.

This asshole applied for a position and got it. My coworker applied for the asshole’s old job and got it. I applied for my coworker’s job.

BUT

The asshole decided to reject his offer ONE DAY BEFORE THE DEADLINE.

Why did he wait so long? Because he was getting paid the higher wage of the new job. Even though he wasn’t working that new job, he was getting paid that wage! So he could get paid an extra 10 dollars an hour throughout Christmas. While everyone was busy organizing it so he could enter his new position, he was just being a huge greedy cunt who didn’t care because he knew for weeks that he wasn’t going to take it.

I wish I felt energized to work harder, but I just don’t care.

HEY GOD! ALL I WANT TO DO IS MAKE MONEY AND TRAVEL THEN MOVE TO THE CITY! HOW ABOUT CUTTING ME SOME SLACK OK?

I know everyone always talks about New Years resolutions and whatever, but I just don’t like the word ‘resolutions’ for some reason? Call me indecisive, I guess.

Anyway, I decided to make 2 new habits for the new year.

1. Meditate everyday
2. Exercise for 20 minutes everyday

I KNOW, so ambitious.

I want to start getting heavier into meditation in preparation for this 10-day silent retreat I’m planning to do in June/July. After reading Sam Harris’s Waking Up book, I was super happy and determined to hone this skill. Yeah yeah, I could have just started meditating everyday right after I read the book, but… I think New Years is like a school deadline.

You piss around for the few weeks leading up to it then really get into the hard shit when you feel the deadline looming. I don’t really care about people’s disdain for resolutioners. People see New Years as a ‘fresh start’ or a time to begin something new, when did that become something to make fun of? Because people don’t always follow through? So?

At least there was an effort, I mean true success is just a bunch of repetitive ‘tries’ that go on indefinitely. You try to go to the gym. You keep trying. I don’t even remember the last time I went to the gym and was genuinely happy to drive there. I feel better when I leave obviously, but the gym has just become a torture chamber for me at this point. I’ve been training consistently for around 3 years now? I go there out of habit at this point. I mean, I’m also terrified of losing any muscle I’ve gained so there’s that too.

ANYWAY, that was an aside. Meditation. Cool shit. I have 6 months to prepare for this retreat, officially.

For point #2, I just wanted to start moving more on the days I wasn’t at the gym. Active rest and whatnot. I remember seeing statistics of people who didn’t exercise all day and how they had poorer health outcomes, so I guess that kind of lit a fire under my ass? I’ve also been watching a lot of Greg Doucette videos and he’s kind of a dick, which I appreciate. Every time someone says “PEOPLE DONT TRAIN HARD BECAUSE THEYRE LAZY AND ITS TOO HARD FOR THEM,” shit gets me pumped to go hard in the gym. My friend is a PT and said “yeah, no one likes squats because they’re HARD.” That made me want to implement squats into my routine.

WELL, that’s all I guess. I bought a Foreo Luna GO so my skin routine is going to be on point this year too. It’s so nice to have super clean skin everyday tbh. Praise the lord for this little shit. Other than that? Maybe secure a job when my term position is up? That’s probably a good idea.

Ah, the end of Christmas. The presents are opened, the travellers have dispersed and quietness has pervaded the household.

There are so many things to reflect on post-holidays. The laughs, the food, the… fights.

My sister deserves an award for most cringeworthy Christmas guest.

It started on Christmas Eve.

After enduring a full day of her, I retreated to my room for the night. Nothing too crazy.

Then she came.

My sister barged into my room at around 11pm, crazy eyes and screeching in tow.

“WHERE ARE THEY!”

“What are you talking about? Whatever you lost, I don’t have it.”

“YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!!!! WHERE ARE THEYYYYY!!!”

She was holding an empty plastic container. It honestly looked like the packaging for a beauty blender, and I remember being shocked that she was flipping shit over something so dumb.

“MY EDIBLES!! WHERE ARE THEY!!!”

After the boring “I DONT HAVE IT!” “YES YOU DO!” arguing, she finally stopped.

She grabbed my container full of pencils and pens and emptied it onto the floor.

“Oops.”

That’s when I realized my sister was fucking psycho.

The next day I wouldn’t talk to her. I said to her face it was because she accused me of taking her shit, emptying all my shit onto the floor, then not apologizing after finding her shit.

Which is ironic considering the fact that she said I was the one who needed to get taken down a notch.

Obviously that wasn’t the last of our holiday fighting.

On Christmas Day, I managed to trigger her so much that she had to go for a 3 hour drive. I think it was because I was so done with her shit and had no reaction to her usual provocations.

On Boxing Day, when she would annoy me, I’d tell her to go for another 3 hour drive. That set her off. Like next level insanity.

She told my mom, “I’M GOING HOME TOMORROW! I CAN’T STAND TO BE IN THE HOUSE WITH HER!”

My mom, knowing my sister’s bullshit, didn’t react to it, but instead agreed to it.

Obviously, my sister retracted her statement and pretended she never said that the next day.

On that next day, the usual bullshit occurred. I said something, my sister criticizes me for saying it and attacks me, I tell her to shut up. You get the drift. Rinse and repeat.

She once again used the “I’m sorry mom but I cannot stand to be in the same house as her.”

Once again, no reaction from my mom.

Finally, my sister starts packing her bags. She takes them out to the car and makes a big loud show of it.

My mom starts getting upset, and then leaves to go to Walmart by herself.

Jumping at the opportunity to yell at me when Mom isn’t home, my sister comes charging upstairs and says “YOU’RE THE REASON WHY I’M GOING HOME. MOM’S UPSET AND THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. I WAS GOING TO HANGOUT WITH HER TOMORROW BUT I CAN’T DO IT BECAUSE OF YOU. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE A SOCIOPATH.”

The retardation astounded me. She was seriously blaming me for her leaving. I wasn’t pushing her out the door. I wasn’t making the first move in communicating with her. I made the conscious decision to leave her alone, but she kept trying to interject herself into my life. Her making this big show of leaving only makes her look bad. It was sad.

Can you tell what happens next?

My mom came home and started cooking. My sister comes upstairs to talk to her and says “Okay, mom. I’ll stay home as long as SHE STOPS BEING A BULLY.”

Bitch what?

The lack of self-awareness was mind-boggling. This was next level high-strung idiocy.

Yes, I, the younger sister, am bullying my sister who is 3 years older than me. How evil. How diabolical.

Ugh, anyway, there’s more to this story. The prank I pulled on my sister after she freaked out on me for ‘stealing’ her edibles (when in reality, they were in her bag. All. Along.) was what caused her mental breakdown. It was hilarious and her reaction was predictable. Pulling this prank on any normal person would not illicit the same response it did in my sister. It was amazing, but I need to tell it next time, because my hand hurts from typing wtf.

For context, my mom was complaining about a woman she works with.

My dad’s response?

“FUCK EM BEFORE THEY FUCK YOU. REPORT HER TO MANAGEMENT.”

#wisdom

A month or so ago, I really got into this dude on Youtube who prank called Indian scammers. He’d pretend to be an old lady, a valley girl, etc. and try to get his ‘refund’ from Microsoft. He would troll these losers for hours and, quite frankly, listening to people get angry brings me great joy in life.

I started playing these YouTube videos for my mom the second I got home from work. She would laugh and we would bond over how retarded these scammers were.

Fast forward to a week or so later, we find ourselves in the ‘MaNcAvE’ area of the house. Coming off of one of Kitboga’s (?) video highs, we giggled while asking my dad if Indian dudes claiming to be Microsoft have ever talked to him over the phone about computer viruses.

“Uh, yeah. That’s where all those computer guys are located nowadays.”

My mom and I looked at each other. Jesus Christ, he really fell for a scam. How could this happen right under our noses?

“Dad, did he tell you to buy an anti-virus software?”

“Yeah, I can show you their number right here. They fixed my computer!”

“Dad. That’s a scam. They didn’t ‘fix’ your computer.”

“Yes they did! Their phone number is right here!”

After one second of Googling, I found that it was, in fact, a scam phone number.

“Dad, how much did you pay for this?”

“It doesn’t matter. They fixed my computer.”

“How much.”

“$300 for 3 years worth of security.”

My dad was in denial for pretty much the whole time. The blame SLOWLY shifted from us (“You guys never help me with my computer so I did it myself! I don’t care! They fixed it!”) to the Punjabi Scammers (“So what do I do now? Call the cops?”).

I was just as stressed out as my dad. No parent will ever acknowledge how mentally taxing it is to have computer-illiterate parents. I had no idea how to deal with a Microsoft scam, 1) because I was not naive enough, and 2) because I was not retarded enough, to fall for one.

I Googled it and found a pretty good resource that told us to call your credit card company and refute the charge, blah blah blah.

Ultimately, I decided to procrastinate. Partially because I was scared of touching his greasy keyboard, but mostly because I didn’t want to be scarred for life by discovering the porn that made the Microsoft scam pop up in the first place.

Anyway, today he told us that he needed to go to Saskatoon so he could buy a new computer.

“Oh my god, what did you do now?”

“Those scammers called me back and now I need to drop my computer off at the repair shop and buy a new one.”

Anyway, the scammers told him that there were even MORE viruses on his computer and that he needed to pay more so they could take them off.

In typical dad-who-just-found-out-he-got-scammed fashion, he told them “WHO THE FUCK AM I, SANTA???? FUCK OFF!!!1111”

The moral of the story? It’s okay to procrastinate sometimes.